moving forward

So today I did something I haven't been able to do in a very long time.  I went to a 2 year olds birthday party.  O.K.  so anyone who has been following this blog knows that I got to be kind of emotional in the last year.  All (and I mean every last one) of my friends has had a baby in this time and I felt so left out and so bitter that I wasn't pregnant or had my own baby.  So I could only see my friends 1 or 2 at a time.  I just couldn't handle being around all the mommies and babies and everyone asking when we were going to try to have one.  My husband became very good at telling our friends "reasons" why I couldn't make it to the occasion.  So today I felt really good.  Really proud of myself for finally attending.  But I know it isn't like I've made some emotional break-through.  It is just that I finally feel like I fit in.  We haven't told them all yet.  But just knowing that we have a child growing inside me makes me feel normal again.  And I also know that if I had been at that party just a few months ago I wouldn't have been able to handle it.  

The other thing we did today was look at houses.  Not to buy.  If all goes as planned I'll have a job offer at some University or College closer to family in the next year so we'll be moving out of state at some point.  Therefore we are looking at rentals.  We would stay in our current house.  We love the neighborhood, our neighbors, and the close proximity to work.  But we hate the noise factor, we hate that Bailey doesn't have a yard to play around in, and we hate the size.  Our place is just too small to add a baby and all the things we want for our baby.  So we checked out a few houses that we sort of liked.  They are a lot farther away from work.  But it will be worth it for the space.  The one we saw today had a large fenced-in yard with an orange tree, a lemon tree, and a magnolia.  I loved it.  But I wasn't so much in love with the house.  It didn't come with a fridge (although we wouldn't be opposed to buying a nice new one which we would just take with us to wherever we move eventually.  And it only had washer dryer hook-ups.  So we'd have to buy those too.  Again we wouldn't mind buying those items either.  Actually I've been lusting over those electrolux beauties that have Kelly Ripa in the commercial.  So I guess that could be o.k.  But we have to think about it and figure out how many more places we want to look at.  So far we've seen 4 houses and we like them all equally.  Hopefully this wont be that long a process.  We'll probably make some decisions over dinner tonight.