She is gone

My beautiful Lydia Rose is gone.  Today is the worst day of my existence.  Yesterday I went into pre-term labor, my cervix dialated and my membranes became exposed.  They inverted me and tried to different procedures to get the membranes back where they belonged.  It obviously didn't work.  They left me overnight with the hope that over a few hours everything would shift back up through the cervix.  Luckily most of it did and the doctor booked the OR right away.  I went under knowing that when I woke up I would either be still with child and with a cerclage, and then strict bedrest.  In stead I woke up empty.  They brought her to us later.  She was beautiful and perfect.  I have pictures but I think it would be odd and morbid to post a photo of my daughters corpse.  

We are in the midst of grieving now.  I don't know how to grieve her.  I feel like this is some sick joke.  Like she is still inside of me wiggling around.  Not sure what to do now.  Sleep maybe.