Feeling Positive Today

Thanks to everyone who made me feel better about my low betas.  Especially militarywife who I got to meet last night for the first time.  Your positive vibes have done wonders for my psyche.  I don't know what I would do without this great community of women.  Thank you thank you thank you.

I went to a couple of different websites and they all show that my betas are adequate even though on the lower side.  So I am feeling much better about this pregnancy.  In fact as I write this I'm all crampy (which I hear is a good symptom) so I feel like that is a good sign that the baby is growing.  So  I think we'll be fine on Wednesday.  Everyone here feels good about the baby too.   We hadn't planned on announcing anything since we weren't sure.  But my Mother in law guessed that I was pregnant since I wasn't having any coffee (which is usually a staple for me).  We were sitting around chatting at the kitchen table and she was working on a sudoku puzzle.  She said "Betsy I just have to ask you something but I'm gonna write it down o.k."  So I was like what is this 9th grade.  When she scribbled  are you pregnant I was shocked.  I really didn't know how she could of guessed.  I answered maybe and explained why I wasn't too excited.  I was practically in tears but of course she was ecstatic.  She said the same thing you all said.  As long as it doubled that is good enough for her to think we are o.k.  I told her that she wasn't allowed to say anything to anyone else in the family.  But then the following day, my sister in law asked me if I was pregnant because she noticed I hadn't been drinking.  We have 3-4 types of wine on Christmas and usually I love to partake.  So I guess it was kind of obvious to anyone who paid any attention.  So we ended up telling her and my father in law.  It is killing me not to tell the grandparents though.  It would be wonderful to tell them in person.  But you guys know how it is.    Anyway I'm a little sad that we couldn't do something cute to tell them.  But there is still my parents.  They knew every last detail of the IVF stuff and are just waiting to hear from me.  I know they must be anxious.  So I will think of some cute way to tell them.  They live overseas so we have to tell them via skype.  

Today is our last full day in Denver and we are going to hit the malls to see if we can get some other deals.  We are also going to my Brother in laws house to spend some quality time with our newborn nephew.  The next time we see him he'll look completely different so we wanna take in all the sweet new babyness now.  How exciting that he'll have a cousin so close in age.  

Can nothing about this process be easy?

So I had beta number 2 today.  And it did double.  Thank God for that.  However my numbers are really low.  It is only 30.  That is not good.  I have a third beta scheduled for Wednesday when I get home.  But for now I'm still at my inlaws and everyone is driving me crazy because there is a newborn here and my mother in law and father in law are going gaga over our new nephew.  They have every right to.  And the kid is pretty darn cute.  But we can't announce our news because right now we still do not know if everything will be o.k.   This pregnancy at this point is not strong.  I'm praying hard that my baby decides to stick around for the long haul.  But you never know.  

Guess I'll have to change the title of this blog

Because I'm PREGNANT!!!! We found out yesterday as the on call RE called my cell phone with the news as we were headed out the door to the airport. I almost peed my pants. I tried to do a quick update from my iphone yesterday but couldn't figure out how to post. So here it is a day late. This is the best Christmas present I've ever gotten.

I have to do a second beta somewhere in Denver tomorrow. Hopefully we'll be able to find a lab corps here. Does anyone know of one?

Merry Christmas Girls and Happy Hannukah. I hope you all have a beautiful and blessed day today.

Dear Stick and Attachy

I just wanted to let you know how happy daddy and I will be if you decided to stay with us.  We'll know tomorrow when I get my blood test and I am anxious to find out.  But deep down I feel like you are still with us.  That you are comfy cozy and growing strong.  We love you so much already.  Even it it is silly.  Even if you decided not to hang around.  We still love you.  We always will.

My Silver Lining and 5dp5dt

So Andrea over at Bella and Her Fella gave me the Every Uterus Has a Silver Lining Award.  This award is supposed to be spread to blogs that make you smile.  I have so many that I would like to share this with.  So here are the awardees

Maria Luisa @The worms

Peachy at Peachy does IVF

Sweet Georgia at none in the oven

and LilF at Yes I tried that too

If you are visiting here from ICLW I highly recommend visiting the awardees.

Also for visitors I would like to give a some background and update.

I'm a fibroid survivor.  They are the main cause of my IF.  I've had 3 surgeries to remove the fibroids and scar tissues.  Now my uterus is free and clear and is hopefully housing a couple of beautiful embryos that we transferred on Tuesday via In Vitro Fertilization.  I have my beta on Wednesday.  And of course Wednesday is Christmas Eve.  And we are taking the test right before we get on a flight to visit my husbands family.  So this could be a really great Christmas or a really crummy one.   But I think it is going to happy.  I feel really positive that the baby/babies are snug and sticking around for the next 9 months.  

Step 5

So I'm sitting here a pregnant woman.  I mean, having embabies in utero =pregnant in my book.  My transfer was a success.  Two perfect blastocysts  (sticky mcstickerson and attachy) are now home.  I have a picture of them but DH took it with him when he left the clinic.  So I'll have to scan it in later to share.  

So here is the low down.  I went in a met the acupuncturist for me pre-transfer treatment and as I was taking off the fertility socks

 I remembered that I hadn't filled my bladder.  Crap.  Luckily I was there early for the acupuncture so I was able to down a couple of glasses of water before acu and then one after.  This treatment was different than normal.  No needles in the belly and a few in the ears.  Those ones kind of hurt for a sec.  But I felt peaceful and my pulse was perfect after.  Then I was brought back to the transfer room and the tech attempted to find my uterus behind my quasi-full bladder.  Of course I had to drink some more.  But at least it wasn't too uncomfortable.  I waited around in the room drinking water and reading magazines.  I also whipped out my iphone and snapped this picture which makes my legs look wicked fat but, this is the view from the transfer chair.

 By the time K showed up I really started to feel the fullness of my bladder.  K had to drive in on his own since I didn't want him to have to wait for my acu treatments since he is really busy at work.  My RE was late due to a surgery and I got more and more uncomfortable as the clock ticked.  I gave up and had to pee some of it away.  The nurse told me to count to seven slowly and then stop.  Agony!

I know you don't want to read about my urine but I had to share since this was the hardest part of the day.

Of course my RE showed up just as I was leaving the bathroom.  Luckily there was still enough water in there to work with.  My RE got a clear shot of my cervix and uterus, inserted an empty practice catheter and we were good to go.  The lab worker came in and asked me my name and then how many embryos we were transferring and then went to the incubator to get them.   It was so cool seeing the real catheter go in and get in place to deliver Sticky and Attachy to their home.  K held my hand and we watched the little starry image show up on the screen.  The lab worker went to check the catheter to make sure both blasts made it out and we were so glad she did that because one was stuck in the catheter.  So we reinserted it and this time you could clearly see the little star fly into my uterus.  I wish I could have videotaped it.  My RE was so sweet.  She held my hand and wished me luck and went over all the post transfer/beta stuff with me.  Anyway, I then stayed put for 5 mins, and then K kissed me goodbye and left for a meeting.   And after peeing for about 5 minutes straight my acupuncturist came in for treatment #2.  I felt so peaceful and happy then.  I feel the same way now.

Step 4

So I had my Egg Retrieval yesterday.  Like my funky Christmas socks?  

It turned out to be an emotional day.  The day started with the 40 minute drive to the headquarters of my RE clinic.  I usually go to one of the satellite offices that is about 10 minutes from my house.  Anyway, every bump and crack in the road was torture.  My ovaries were huge and oh so ready to be emptied.  Once we arrived at the RE clinic and I felt fine.  I was excited and happy to loose some of the bloat.  The nurses took K and I back to the surgery center.  It was so neat.  I was surprised to see a real surgery area hidden away in the back of the clinic.  I had always just thought that the door we went through was just another exam room.  Anyway, I changed into my gown, put on my hair net thingy, got my IV put in and as the meds started to flow the nurse reminded that my E2 was really high and that I had to watch out for hyperstimulation.  And I started to feel nauseous.  I never get nauseous.  I haven't thrown up in about 6 years.  Seriously.  Anyway I got scared and started to cry.  It was so pathetic.  I calmed down a bit and K got me to laugh about something or the other.  But then a new nurse came around to insert some antibiotics or something to the IV and started to mention the OHSS and I lost it.   I was just terrified.  My RE came over then and got me to calm down by telling me that she would be administering a special medicine to help with the fluid retention.  She always manages to calm me down. Have I mentioned how much I love my RE.

O.K. so anyway I kissed K goodbye and he went to do his part, I went to the surgery suite and asked my anesthesiologist where he got his degree and then I was out.  All I remember next is waking up in the other room and feeling o.k.  My RE came by my bed to tell me that we got 18 mature eggs, and 10 others.  So she was pleased.  And we were pleased.  They started to give me gatorade and saltines and made sure that I pee'd and then sent me on my way.

I slept the rest of the day until I was woken up by puppy Bailey.  He was so cute.  He came over to my side of the bed to check on me and decided it was crazy that I was in bed at dinner time.  So he started to bark at me like get up mom get up and play.  Of course I just stayed in bed.  So he jumped up on the bed and snuggled in next to me.  Bailey is not allowed on the bed!  He knows it and has never jumped up on the bed.  But I was so happy to have him there giving me doggie hugs that I just let him stay for a minute or two before scolding him and making him get down.  

The last part of my uber exciting day was the PIO shot.  I was as scared of this as I was scared of developing OHSS.  For reals.  I have control issues and letting K stab me with a needle just isn't my thing.  But he was awesome.  And it didn't hurt at all.  He praised me for taking it like a trooper and massaged the oil in.  I was proud of him.  

So that was that.  This morning my RE called me herself to inform me that 13 of my eggs fertilized.  13 embies.  13!  I'm thrilled with that number.  So now we wait to hear on Sunday whether we should come in for a 3 day transfer or whether things look good to wait for Tuesday 5 day transfer.  So today I feel happy.  More bloated.  But happy.  I am drinking only gatorade and just had a bunch of saltines.  I think I may have some miso soup for lunch.  That is salty right?

Step 3

Trigger Shot.  I can't believe Egg Retrieval is so close. Thursday at 10:30 they go in and grab all these eggs.   It seems like just yesterday I started BCPs for all this.  ---Deep Breath---  I get more and more excited for Thursday as the day goes on.  My nurse called today with tons of instructions for what to do to prepare tomorrow night.  I have to take doxycycline and no food or drink after midnight.  We are supposed to arrive at the clinic  at 9:30 with picture i.d.s at hand.  I think the picture ID thing is funny.  But I guess it is to ensure that they mix the right sperm and eggs.  It is nice to know that they take precautions so we don't end up like some soap opera story where the woman gets inseminated with her enemy's egg that was mixed with her husbands sperm.  Yikes!  Still, bad things could happen.  What if they can't get any eggs?  What if none fertilize?  What if none divide?  I just want it to be Friday already so I know what is going on.  Better yet, can we just fast forward to beta day.      

Speak out, Speak up

So Andrea at Bella and Her Fella was kind enough to give me this award for speaking up on the topic of infertility.  I am so honored to have been picked by such a great blogger.  Her journey has not been easy but she is navigating infertility like a champion.  And I know that ultimately she will win the battle.  I don't think I deserve this though.  Yes, I do talk about IF on my blog.  I do wear my infertility's common thread.  But I don't really talk about infertility.  I only just opened up about this to my immediate family.  And it is wonderful sharing with them.  My parents are just amazing.  They ask all the right questions and make me feel so supported.  And my brother cheers me on every time we talk.  However, I don't talk to my friends about this.  I sneak out of work to my appointments.  I still haven't talked to anyone in the waiting room at my RE clinic.  I don't speak out or speak up.  Not for real!  But I guess that isn't really the point.  I guess just talking about this at all (be it only online or for real) and sharing my battle in some capacity merits getting this award.  That being said I want to nominate some women who are also fighting IF and who I pray will win the battle.     I nominate  my TTTC sister Deb at Yes, I tried that too...

The Worms Inconceivable

Peachy Kate at Peachy does IVF

Tarah at The Johnson Family Journey

and Military Wife at militarywifealways

And they just keep coming

Holy Moly.  My ovaries are on fire.  Todays count was 23 on the left and 12 on the right.  Luckily a bunch of them are the same size and the largest now are size 14.  My RE predicts that  my Embryo Retrieval will be Wednesday.  But since I have so many follies I am also producing a crap ton of estrogen.  So my E2 has been really high the past couple of days.  My RE changed up my meds (lowered the stims), and I have to go in daily for follie checks and blood draws.  This is to help ensure that I don't end up with ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome.   I'm not too scared of this because my RE seems to have things under control.  But you never know.    

Today I have to add ganirelix which should help with the high estrogen levels.  And we are bumping up the stims again.  It sort of feels like I'm on a little roller coaster ride.  

My husband went with me today for the scan and was amazed at my crazy big ovaries.  He kept doubting that I could really feel  anything from the follies but now believes me.  I'm so uncomfortable.  I'm really looking forward to my ER.  

After the doctor appointment we went and checked out cars.  We've been arguing over what kind of car to get for over 6 months.  I like the rav4 and cx7.  I also like the outback.  My husband likes sports cars, but we already have an A4 and I really want something bigger.  But he just can't bite the bullet on a bigger car.  But now is a really good time to buy a car.  So we really feel like we have to make a decision.  Today we test drove the lexus hybrid smaller SUV.  I love it.  I don't know if my husband feels as sure about this as I do (he can never make a decision).  But I could go back and just buy that car tomorrow.  It suits our needs completely.  Lots of space in the rear for Bailey and hopefully a stroller.  Lots of leg room in the back and front.  Drives like a dream, good gas mileage, great maintenance package, and really great pricing (right now).  And I love that it is a hybrid.  I'm going to have to crack K on his hesitancy.  

They Came

The follies that is.  At my stim check this morning my RE (she wanted to do the scan herself) found 10 on the left ovary which she was really excited about and said "I don't even care what is on the right.  This is great!!".  She did find 5-6 on the right ovary.  It felt good to see her get so excited.  So now I'm excited.  Now those follies have to just keep doing well and maturing.  

Yay!