Thursday, October 8, 2009

I'm still pregnant. But things are not looking good. My betas have been rising steadily but not doubling. My RE told me that what will certainly happen is the baby will keep growing as long as I stay on my progesterone and estrogen. But it will never get past 7 or 8 weeks. And by continuing to take the meds I'm prolonging the inevitable. She has no idea why this happened as she fully expected me to have a healthy pregnancy by this point. And at the moment doesn't know what direction to go in next.

My heart is broken. My husbands heart is broken.
How did we get here?

I don't think I'm going to write here anymore. I'm just so sick of writing all about my stupid crappy journey. So I'm on a break. Not sure for how long.

103 comments:

'Murgdan' said...

Oh my heart breaks that you are finding yet another painful bump in the road in this horrendous journey. Take all the time you need....

Rose's Daughter said...

I'm so sorry. My heart is breaking for you. We'll miss you.
((BIG HUG))

Jenn said...

I'm so sorry... there really isn't much else to say. You and your family will be in my thoughts!

meinsideout said...

E - I am so, so sorry, my heart is aching for you. There really are no words and I wish that there were and I wish that there was something more that I could say.

You have been through so much and it is so, so unfair.

As for not posting anymore, please do whatever you need to do to get through this - but for selfish reasons I do hope you continue to blog.

((HUGS))

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear this. Words are not enough. My heart is breaking for all you have been through.

Let me say one thing.... Your RE knows best and I am not trying to give "false" hope BUT my clinic's standards are that going by the new data for the first few betas they like to see a 53% rise every 48-72 hrs. Doubling is ideal, BUT NOT EVERYONE does. The average in early pregnancy is a 60 % rise. My preg with my son he more than doubled, but this pregnancy my betas were 46 (2 days early), 84 on beta day, 136 2 days later and it FINALLY more than doubled to 380 2 days after that which is right on track.

All that said, I understand you not wanting to blog anymore. We will all really miss you bit again, I totally understand.

I am still praying and hoping for you.

Kelley

~M~ said...

I'm so, so sorry. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts & will be hoping for a miracle.

Sweet Georgia said...

Huge virtual hugs are being sent to you. I'm so sorry that you and you husband are having to deal with this. Of course you need a break. Be kind to yourself and each other. Maybe when you're ready, you'll come back and give us an update on how you are.

Simple said...

It's just so unfair & seems to be more than one can handle. I'm so sorry & hope you can find the strength and faith to hold on. Miracles do happen so maybe this will be yours. Just know you are not alone & we are all here for you whenever you need us. (hugs)

janessa said...

I'm so sorry, I have no words. My heart is breaking for you, with you, yet again. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

CeCe said...

I am so sorry to learn this. You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. I am holding out hope for your pregnancy.

Please take care and know that you have a lot of people thinking about you.

kate said...

I am so, so, so sorry. It is a stupid and crappy journey, and an unfair one at that. It's just bullshit, frankly. No one deserves this, but you certainly don't deserve it, not after all the crap you've been dealt. Just unfair.

Bella said...

I am so very sorry. I understand needing a blogging break. Know I'll be thinking of and praying for you both.

B MoM said...

ugh, I'm sooooo sorry. Words are never appropriate. Just know that you are thought of. Sending you warm wishes from across the world.

Jo said...

I am so sorry. I will be thinking of you hoping things go okay in the next few weeks. It's not fair that any of us have to go through this.

Michelle said...

Oh Hun, I am just so so sorry! My heart is breaking for you. You do whatever you need for yourself but we will definitely miss you. If you ever need anything please do not hesitate to email me. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

((HUGS))

Jenn said...

thinking of you...

~*jenjen*

kate said...

I'm so sorry. I wish there was something more I could say to help you through this. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

theworms said...

((HUGS)) B

I hate this shit so much.

Anonymous said...

So very sorry for you. Know that you are not alone. Thinking of you.

Kim said...

I'm so sorry.
Thinking of you and your DH.
((HUGS))

MabelB said...

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I really do not want to give any false hope and I am sure your RE has sound reasons to give you the advice you were given but I just wanted to echo what Kelley said in that my own pregnancy started off with a beta level of 170 at 20 DPO and then only had a 63% rise 48 hours later. I was told that prognosis was quite poor but was also told that if I was going to miscarry the progesterone I was taking would not prevent it so I should stay on it in case the pregnancy worked out (but I was only on suppositories, not PIO). I did not miscarry.

As I said, really don't want to give you false hope but just wanted to mention my situation in case to it is helpful to know that it can still sometimes work out. Sorry if not helpful.

Totally understand your need for a break from blogging. I will miss your posts and I hope you do decide to come back, but more than that I hope everything works out for you and you get/remain pregnant with a healthy baby very soon. Best wishes.

militarywifealways said...

I am so sorry ((Hugs)))

B. said...

I'm so sorry for the bad news. Above all else, take care of your tender heart at this difficult time. I'm praying for a miracle!

Mary said...

I'm sorry you have received this news. I wish it would have been different. I'll still pray for you.

dayna said...

I'm so sorry for all that you have been through, my heart goes out to you and your husband. I will understand if you stop blogging but I will miss you, I have always felt a connection to you because when I tried to start a blog you were the person who read and commented on it and it meant so much to me. Again, I am so sorry for all that you and your husband have gone through. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Take Care,
Dayna

dayna said...

I'm so sorry for all that you have been through, my heart goes out to you and your husband. I will understand if you stop blogging but I will miss you, I have always felt a connection to you because when I tried to start a blog you were the person who read and commented on it and it meant so much to me. Again, I am so sorry for all that you and your husband have gone through. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Take Care,
Dayna

dayna said...

I'm so sorry for all that you have been through, my heart goes out to you and your husband. I will understand if you stop blogging but I will miss you, I have always felt a connection to you because when I tried to start a blog you were the person who read and commented on it and it meant so much to me. Again, I am so sorry for all that you and your husband have gone through. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Take Care,
Dayna

Bluebird said...

Oh honey, I'm so sad for you. I am so, so very sorry.

meinsideout said...

Thinking of you.

Mo and Will said...

This is SO completely unfair!!!!!! I can't believe you are faced with yet another loss. Echloe, I am so, so sorry. We're with you in your heartbreak.

Mo

iamstacey said...

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and your hubby.

Ali said...

I am sorry to hear this cycle didn't work for you. We just lost our precious daughter C@dynce Alice at 19wk 6 days due to an incompetent cervix, and I am deeply grieving, but can feel your pain as I remember my first cycle started with a BFP and quickly ended being a chemical pregnancy.

meinsideout said...

Just checking in to let you know that I am thinking of you.

Clio said...

my dear Echloe, I haven't been online as my life has been beyond crappy right now. I am so very sorry to learn about your pregnancy. I send you healing energy and warmth to help you gain back your strenght in this very difficult journey.
I am currently seeing my counselor and a psychiatrist (besides taking an antidepressant) to deal with the avalanche of troubles that have come my way in this past two months. I've reached my breaking point... So, i highly recommend to seek some sort of help in case you have reached yours also. Hugs

Anonymous said...

I hope you will come back to us and let us know how you are doing. I've been following your story (mine is similair, I do not blog however), and I have always found strenght in you.

I hope that you are ok!!

Brad and Sharra said...

There are no words, I am so sad for you and your husband.

I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers!

HUGS!!!

Anonymous said...

I have been following your story too. I truly feel for you as I have been through the same thing, 3 times. Just know that you are being thought of and I look forward to finding out how things are going with you.

Stephanie said...

I'm so very sorry to hear your news. I've been thinking about you often, I hadn't read your blog update until today. My heart is just breaking for you. Please know I'm keeping you and your babies in my prayers always. *hugs*

Latitude said...

Thinking about you today. Miss you.

CeCe said...

I think of you often and hope you are doing okay.

Mo and Will said...

Echloe,

Just checking in. Hope you're doing ok. miss you.

Mo

E_Sharp said...

I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could say to make it hurt even just a little less, but I know there is absolutely nothing. I hope knowing that so many people hurt along with you is somewhat comforting.

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Mo and Will said...

Just writing to say, still here. Still wishing you all the best.

Mo

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