STUPID AUNT FLO

Cramps up the wahzoo, feeling icky, feeling tired, feeling pissed that we didn't make a baby yet.
This trying and waiting and trying is starting to really get to me. I'm trying to stay positive but this really sucks. I just want a baby. is that too much to ask for.

12 DPO

This morning I woke up and took my temp as usual. And as I fervently prayed to GOD I waited for the beep to let me know that my temp was high and still above coverline. Luckily it was. And I was excited to think that all is still really good. But then I overlayed my current chart with last month and I was at the same temp. Ughhh. I really thought I was better off this month. So I'll have to go through the whole rigamorole tomorrow morning. Sigh.....

2 week wait

So I'm in the two week wait now. The crazy time after ovulation when I hope and pray and wish that a sperm has successfully reached my egg and the little ball of cells is dividing and about to implant into my uterine lining. I drank green tea to help with conception. I'm drinking only decaf coffee and avoiding alcohol. And taking my prenatals religiously. I blow fallen eyelashes off my thumb and wish for a baby. When I drive over railroad tracks I lift my feet up and and wish for a baby. I try to think happy thoughts and visualize (the way they teach you to do in sports) the positive outcome that I want. ie, the little baby implanting cozily, the big PREGNANT sign on my digital HPT. Am I crazy to do all this. Probably. Deep down I know that anything I do now would not affect a baby. But I don't want to jinx it. So I do my crazy things just in case. O.K. so can you tell I'm a worry wort?

Last night my husband and I watched March of the Penguins. It was so interesting to see how they sacrifice so much to have a healthy chick. They walk for like 70 miles on the ice to get to the safe breeding grounds. Then brave the freezing cold blizzards while holding the precious egg on their claws and under a warm flap of skin. After the mother transfers the egg to her mate, she walks the walk back to the sea to catch fish to eat. The father stays behind and cares for the egg. He goes without food for 4 months until the mother comes back to take over and feed the hatched chick. Then he gets to go and walk the walk to get to the sea to feed. But before he goes he memorizes the song of his chick so that he can find him/her to feed when he returns for the sea with food. It was the sweetest thing I've ever seen. To think that birds go through so much to have and care for their young. It makes me feel a little less crazy for doing all the wacky things I'm doing to have one of my own.

Whomever

I love The Office. That show is so clever. Tonight they had a conversation on the correct usage of whoever or whomever. I was laughing so hard. Offic and 30 Rock have really great writers. My name is Earl on the other hand is totally sucking tonight. I used to really enjoy that show but it is going downhill. I really hope that something happens to bring back the creativity that got me to watch Earl in the first place.

O The Magnificent

O, egg drop, ovulation, or O The Magnificent. Whatever you want to call it I think I'm doing it. Right now. I've got lots of egg white cervical mucus and I had a positive OPK test on Monday. I think it is happening on the right this time. I'm kind of crampy right in the spot where my ovary is located. I've never noticed all the little cramps my body creates before I started this process. Then again I was on the pill for 10 years. So I wouldn't have been ovulating.

Husband and I have FLB'd the last 2 days and plan to do it tonight. So we should be hitting the window. Hopefully we are increasing the shots of his guys meeting my egg.

The Same Old Fight

My husband and I had the same fight today that we've been having every cycle of TTC. He falls asleep before me on the couch while watching TV. When I wake him up to go to bed he just wants to stay asleep. We are supposed to having as much sex as possible but he can't motivate after being asleep. When I try to seduce him he pushes me away. He wants to sleep. Last night I got so pissed that I went to sleep on the couch. I ended up going back in our room because I realized my thermometer was in there and I would need to take my temp in the morning and didn't want things to be disrupted. So when I woke up to take my temp he was all "what is it today". I replied with "why do you care". He wanted to talk things over but I declined and took the dog out. He wants to talk about the fight later but I just don't know what is left to rehash. We have this fight every month. I just don't think he cares as much as I do. Well I know he doesn't. If he did. He would motivate for sex. I mean it isn't like pulling teeth. It is sex. Who doesn't want to have sex. Luckily (or unluckily) I did not have a temp spike. So no ovulation. So I guess we didn't miss a prime baby making window. Maybe tonight. I guess if I want to salvage this cycle I'm going to have to seduce him at like 8pm. No excuses!

Testing

O.K. so I've been reading blogs for a while now and this is my first real online blog. So I've got to futz around with the bells and whistles to see what I'm working with here. So I'm going to try to post some photos in this little test blog
This photo is of my mom when she was about 3 years old.

1 liners

So I'm in that annoying waiting to ovulate stage. For the past couple of days I've been peeing on OPK sticks to figure out my most fertile days. So far I'm getting 1 line instead of the 2 equal lines that indicate that I'm about to ovulate. I shouldn't be too annoyed since I'm only on day 17 and the past two months I got a positive 2 line OPK on day 18. But I like to be precise so I take the tests for several days just in case I ovulate early or something.

Well I hope it happens soon. I hate this limbo time. I just want to get into the FLB (F*$k like bunnies) stage. Although we are already doing that to some extent. After we saw Halle Berry discuss Nancy O'Dell's baby making strategy to do it 5 days before and 5 days after my husband and I are trying that. If it works for late 30s-40 year old ladies then it should work for me. But that egg has to drop for anything at all to happen. So drop little eggie. Drop. Please.