Thursday, July 31, 2008

That was awkward

So I'm walking Bailey around the block when I run into Val from work holding hands with a girl!! She said hi to me and I said hi back but then Bailey starts acting up and I excuse myself to continue the walk without having introduced myself to her girlfriend.   After walking a couple of yards I realized that i must have looked a little shocked and hope it didn't come across as rude or phobic or anything because I wouldn't want her to feel uncomfortable.  Val isn't out.  And I totally don't care anything about her sexual preference.  I have lots of gay friends.  Anyhow, it isn't like I'm going to go up to her at work tomorrow and mention it. But maybe I should say somethingto her about running off like "sorry I had to rush off dog gets impatient until he has had his walk" or something to that affect.   I dunno.   

 Isn't he the cutest dog?  He is my little baby and the world's best snuggler.  I love him to pieces.

Monday, July 28, 2008


Pmarie has tagged me.  And I have to answer each of these questions with one word, and tag 4 others.

1.  Where is your cell phone? Purse (should go charge it)
2.  Your significant other? Snugglebear
3.  Your hair? Short
4.  Your mother? Caretaker
5.  Your father? Tender
6.  Your favorite thing? Puppy
7.  Your dream last night? Beautiful
8.  Your favorite drink? Wine
9.  Your dream/goal? Motherhood
10. The room you're in? Office
11.  Your hobby? Knitting
12.  Your fear? Death
13.  Where do you want to be in 6 years? Tenured
14.  What you're not? Happy
15.  Muffins?  Blueberry
16.  One of your wish list items? House
17.  Where you grew up? Massachusetts
18.  The last thing you did? Typed
19. What are you wearing? Pajamas
20.  Favorite Gadget? Ipod
21.  Your pet? Bailey
22.  Your computer? MAC
23. Your mood? Random
24.  Missing someone? Brother
25.  Your car? A4
26. Something you are not wearing? bra
27.  Favorite Store?  Papersource
28.  Like someone? Erin
29.  Your favorite color? Orange
30.  When is the last time you laughed?  Tonight
31.  Last time you cried? Yesterday


So today on Good Morning America, there was a clip about breast-feeding someone else's baby.  In the clip a woman tried to calm down her best friend's 3 month old baby for a long while and realized that he really just wanted to nurse.  So she nursed him and he was better.  Her friend doesn't have any problem with it.  She knows her friend well (that she doesn't have any disease or drug problems) and wants her baby to have breast milk.  So she is fine with it happening from time to time when she isn't available to nurse him herself.

Apparently, 46% of Americans label breast feeding someone else's baby as Disgusting or Weird.  Obviously I haven't experienced breast feeding personally.  But at this point I do see it as just feeding a baby.  I don't understand how that could be gross.  Woman have done this for years.  That is what wet-nurses were for.    Isn't it better for a baby to be nursed by another woman than to be hungry and upset (if they don't take bottles).  Perhaps I'll change my mind on this when I have my own baby.  But I do think that I wouldn't mind my sister or very-close friend stepping in for me if I were not available.  What do you think?

Sunday, July 27, 2008

International Comment Leaving Week

Tonight it is almost the end of ICLW, and I've had a lot of fun.  I love that it has introduced me to so may wonderful blogs.  Some I loved reading so much that I'll be including them in my favorite blog list.  

One of the best things that I got out of participating in ICLW was seeing what a great community of mothers and mothers to be are out their.  I never knew that there could be so much kindness and support in strangers.  
I only wish that I could have achieved Iron Commentor status.  But alas, 129 blogs is a lot to read. 

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

More Confusion

So today was my post MRI plan of action appointment.  But right now I have no plan of action.  Of course the MRI place didn't send the films over to my RE.   All she had was a written report describing the uterus as healthy and without fibroids.  That was good news to me.  But then it went on the say that my fallopians tubes were swollen and distorted (hydrosalpinx), and in that in that case she would need to tie the off (sterilization) and then IVF would be next.  What???  So my RE thinks the report is wrong and rightly wants to see the films.  She will go to the MRI place and look them over with the radiologist.  Then will call me later this week with the real results.  Since my HSG showed that my tubes were normal, and her recent ultrasounds showed that there is definitely something in my uterus she thinks that the report is off base.  So I guess I have to wait until Friday.  

But here are the possible outcomes
1.  They reviewed the wrong films
2.  I still have a fibroid
3.  I have scar tissue from my past surgeries
4.  I have hydrosalpinx
5.  I have some other abdominal abnomily

Monday, July 21, 2008

Jon and Kate plus 8, cable tv, and I miss my tivo

So the husband and I decided to finally join the masses and get cable.  I hate comcast which is our local cable company.  But we couldn't get satellite (because my husband thinks they are unsightly)  and we couldn't get ATT digital TV because they don't serve our area as yet. So we tried to get the triple package deal where you get phone, internet and HD cable with DVR and all for $99 a month.  We figured we would save some money because our phone bill was ridiculously high even though we pretty much just use our cell phones, and because TIVO (which I love and highly recommend) was more expensive than what the calculated DVR price would be.  

Well there are some great things about cable.  And 1st is HGTV.  I love it.  I feel like it is tv where I really learn something.  I'm a big copy cat and snag lots of design ideas.  And I'm already addicted to Design Star and have been catching up on all the episodes via the ON DEMAND feature.  The second great thing is Jon and Kate plus 8.  I also stumbled onto this show via ON DEMAND.  It is a documentary style reality show about an IF couple who went on to have two sets of multiples.  In one way it is like watching a train wreck.  In another way it is incredibly sweet.  The kids are all adorable.  And although the mom and dad bicker a little you can tell how much they love each other and that it is very very stressful dealing with that many children.  The sextuplets are only 3 or 4.  Even 1 child that age can be a handful.  I really respect them for dealing with this so gracefully, airing their laundry for the public, and for being so honest about their journey.  On one episode Kate described how she came to become pregnant (through clomid no less), and how they were firm on not reducing any of the babies.  I think the real reason I love this show is because it shows a great success story from IF.  I don't personally know anyone who has had success after IF.  Yes I know people from message boards and blogs but I can't count that.  And obviously I don't know Jon and Kate, but getting to see them on TV makes it more real to me for some reason.

O.K. so back to cable.  When the tech came to our house she explained that the router would not be wireless like our current DSL router, but that we could go to Best Buy and pick one up.  I got annoyed and said I would prefer to just keep my current router and DSL because I had assumed (it being 2008 and all) that the router would be wireless.  Well wouldn't you know it, they took away my triple deal and the cost for cable and phone shot up.  So I dumped the phone service and just went with cable.  I thought this would satisfy me enough even without the cheap price.  And it is o.k.  But not great.  My 1st complaint is the DVR.  I should have known.  I've been spoiled by TIVO.  The DVR just doesn't work as elegantly.  It is like going from using a viking range to downgrading to a Hotpoint electric stove.  The thing that really tipped the scales I'll call THE INCIDENT.  Now I love TV.  And I love recording shows and watching them at my leisure.  I daily record the young and the restless and a bunch of other programs.  Recently I started watching friends reruns because I wanted to view the episodes where Monica and Chandler learn they are infertile.  I got to see all of the episodes leading  up to the one with the fertility clinic, and when I went to MY RECORDINGS, there was nothing saved.  No Friends, no Y and R, nothing.  I was pissed.  And I could tell by the guide that I missed the one episode that I'd been waiting for.   When I called cable to find out what went wrong they told me to unplug the unit, wait 30 seconds and then plug it back in.  WHAT!  This process worked but come-on.  I can't have a DVR that decides it just doesn't want to work sometimes.  If that had happened during LOSTs season I would have cancelled cable right there and then.  
In my 4 years of TIVO service that has never ever happened.  I miss my TIVO.  I miss the bloop bloop bloop sound of when you press the keys on the remote.  I miss the reliability.

But I do love Jon and Kate plus 8 and my husband loves having ESPN.  So we will stick with cable for a little while.  But I've got TIVO safely packed away in the attic, and he may be coming back soon.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Techno Coffin

This morning I had the weirdest experience.  For those of you who haven't had one, an MRI is a really creepy thing.  I'm not claustrophobic.  But once I saw how small the circumference of the machine that they were about to slide me into I had a mini-freak out.  The techs covered my eyes with a washcloth and that helped.  I knew that if I didn't have something covering my eyes I would have looked at the space and then I would have really freaked out.  You lay down and roll into the MRI machine slowly.  Kind of what I imagine feeding a body into a crematorium is like.  I know morbid!!  But this is how I felt.  So anyway, the roof of the machine was about 3 inches away from my face.  And my elbows touched the sides.  And there is all this weird banging and whirring whenever they take an image.  So they outfit you with earplugs and those industrial giant ear phones to protect you from all the noise.  It is super loud and sounds akin to techno beats.   
The other thing is that you can't move.  Well you aren't allowed to move.  So you have to be in the same position for the entire time.  Not fun.  Some of the images only took 40 seconds.  Some took 4 minutes.  After about 1/2 hour they took me out of the machine and let just move my arms a bit, then the fun increased when they injected me with contrast.  I was ever the IF patient when I asked the lady how they were going to insert the contrast without moving my pelvis.  I figured I'd need a catheter inserted into the nether regions.  Well oddly enough they just needed my arm.  I still don't understand who they inject contrast into your bloodstream to get an image of your uterus 2 minutes later.  Hopefully it did the trick.  The whole process was 40 minutes of strange.

Believe it or not I would much rather have an invasive ultrasound, even the kind where you have to have a full bladder over MRI.  It was just too freaky.  And now I have a crick in my neck from being so rigid.  

Well now I just need to do a follow up with my RE to see what she thinks of the images and how to proceed.  

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Gifts for future babies

So this is what I bought for my brother and sister in law.  I figured sending a small gift along with a nice card would suffice my never actually congratulating them (or talking to them at all).  The onesie has a cute little map of Berkeley (where we live) and the book is done in the style of good night moon, but is good night San Francisco.  I wrote some bunk about starting the spoiling early and we are excited to be an Aunt and Uncle.  I love the little onesie.  I loved it so much that I decided to go ahead and get one for our future little one.   I always said I wouldn't go so far as to buy clothes for a non-existent baby, but it made me feel happy to buy it.  I have been eyeing it in the shop window for ages, had planned to buy it when I got a BFP to show to the 'rents over skype to tell them.  How things change.    If I ever manage to get pregnant I'm just going to call them and tell them.  I don't think I'll have the patience to do cutesie.  My cute onesie is now tucked away in my closet with the lullabye cd I bought a few months back.  And the one for my future niece/nephew is on route via priority mail.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008


Last night I forced the man to watch the 1980 film version of Xanadu.  I had wanted to watch it forever and stuck it in my (Netflix) queue.  I already knew most of the songs since I love love love Easy Listening.  It was a pretty silly movie.  But great music and great dancing.  And I was surprised to see that Gene Kelly was in it.  It was actually his last singing and dancing role in a motion picture.  So if you like campy films with screen legends check it out.  The word Xanadu actually comes from a pretty cool Coleridge poem.  Of course the man slept through most of the film and is annoyed at my current queue.  I guess I have to amend it.  The problem is that I pretty much control the queue because for the most part he has no interest in film.  I like independent films mostly (he thinks I should buy stock in Fox Searchlight).  The last few movies we saw were:  Lars and the Real Girl (five out five stars), Running with Scissors (3 stars...the book was much better), and There will be blood (too weird for me and only gets 2 stars).  Next in my queue are Friends with Money, The squid and the whale, and Jean de florette/Manon of the spring.  I guess I better switch it up and add some random guy movie to please the spouse.  I just don't have any clue what to pick.  Bleh.  

So I've decided to move on with life, put my big girl panties on and congratulate the inlaws.  It isn't their fault that my uterus is good at growing everything except babies.  And I love babies.   I'll love their baby.  Our new little niece or nephew.  If I can't buy cute baby things for our baby then I'll do it for our new niece/nephew.  I'm going to buy them a little gift this weekend and send a nice card.  And under separate cover I will send an short apology note for being so late and lax with my congrats.  Hopefully they'll understand that I'm in a bad place right now and that it has nothing to do with them personally.