Jon and Kate plus 8, cable tv, and I miss my tivo

So the husband and I decided to finally join the masses and get cable.  I hate comcast which is our local cable company.  But we couldn't get satellite (because my husband thinks they are unsightly)  and we couldn't get ATT digital TV because they don't serve our area as yet. So we tried to get the triple package deal where you get phone, internet and HD cable with DVR and all for $99 a month.  We figured we would save some money because our phone bill was ridiculously high even though we pretty much just use our cell phones, and because TIVO (which I love and highly recommend) was more expensive than what the calculated DVR price would be.  

Well there are some great things about cable.  And 1st is HGTV.  I love it.  I feel like it is tv where I really learn something.  I'm a big copy cat and snag lots of design ideas.  And I'm already addicted to Design Star and have been catching up on all the episodes via the ON DEMAND feature.  The second great thing is Jon and Kate plus 8.  I also stumbled onto this show via ON DEMAND.  It is a documentary style reality show about an IF couple who went on to have two sets of multiples.  In one way it is like watching a train wreck.  In another way it is incredibly sweet.  The kids are all adorable.  And although the mom and dad bicker a little you can tell how much they love each other and that it is very very stressful dealing with that many children.  The sextuplets are only 3 or 4.  Even 1 child that age can be a handful.  I really respect them for dealing with this so gracefully, airing their laundry for the public, and for being so honest about their journey.  On one episode Kate described how she came to become pregnant (through clomid no less), and how they were firm on not reducing any of the babies.  I think the real reason I love this show is because it shows a great success story from IF.  I don't personally know anyone who has had success after IF.  Yes I know people from message boards and blogs but I can't count that.  And obviously I don't know Jon and Kate, but getting to see them on TV makes it more real to me for some reason.

O.K. so back to cable.  When the tech came to our house she explained that the router would not be wireless like our current DSL router, but that we could go to Best Buy and pick one up.  I got annoyed and said I would prefer to just keep my current router and DSL because I had assumed (it being 2008 and all) that the router would be wireless.  Well wouldn't you know it, they took away my triple deal and the cost for cable and phone shot up.  So I dumped the phone service and just went with cable.  I thought this would satisfy me enough even without the cheap price.  And it is o.k.  But not great.  My 1st complaint is the DVR.  I should have known.  I've been spoiled by TIVO.  The DVR just doesn't work as elegantly.  It is like going from using a viking range to downgrading to a Hotpoint electric stove.  The thing that really tipped the scales I'll call THE INCIDENT.  Now I love TV.  And I love recording shows and watching them at my leisure.  I daily record the young and the restless and a bunch of other programs.  Recently I started watching friends reruns because I wanted to view the episodes where Monica and Chandler learn they are infertile.  I got to see all of the episodes leading  up to the one with the fertility clinic, and when I went to MY RECORDINGS, there was nothing saved.  No Friends, no Y and R, nothing.  I was pissed.  And I could tell by the guide that I missed the one episode that I'd been waiting for.   When I called cable to find out what went wrong they told me to unplug the unit, wait 30 seconds and then plug it back in.  WHAT!  This process worked but come-on.  I can't have a DVR that decides it just doesn't want to work sometimes.  If that had happened during LOSTs season I would have cancelled cable right there and then.  

In my 4 years of TIVO service that has never ever happened.  I miss my TIVO.  I miss the bloop bloop bloop sound of when you press the keys on the remote.  I miss the reliability.

But I do love Jon and Kate plus 8 and my husband loves having ESPN.  So we will stick with cable for a little while.  But I've got TIVO safely packed away in the attic, and he may be coming back soon.

I blame the clomid

So today I hit an all time low.  I'm a happy person.  I have never had depression, and can usually cheer myself up about stuff pretty quickly.  Even with all of this IF bullshit, I've been able to look ahead to the next cycle and have hope.  But today I just couldn't do it.  After my acupuncture appointment I had lunch with my best friend M.  M has been going through IF as well and we've strengthened our friendship bound over sharing this horrid experience.  She was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure and was on route to start IVF once her insurance went through.  She had 2 years of trying and 7 rounds of clomid.  Today at lunch she told me that she is pregnant.  I couldn't believe it.  I was overjoyed for her.  She thought she would have to have a donor egg and got pregnant naturally, off clomid, on her break waiting for the insurance to go through.  I couldn't eat my lunch.  I was too excited.  But then after a few minutes I started to feel claustrophobic.  I really needed to get out of there.   I don't really know how I got over that feeling and was able to relax again long enough to get through lunch (maybe the acupuncture), but as soon as the check came I found myself rushing for the door and off to my car.  M walked with me to the car so we could keep talking and I had the overwhelming feeling that I wanted her to leave me alone.  I've never felt like that before.  Afterall she is my best friend.  And she had just experienced a miracle.  What the hell was wrong with me.

When I started driving the tears came.  And then the panic.  She left me in the dust.  I was supposed to get pregnant first.  She was the one with all the really bad problems.  Why not me, why not me, what about me.   I screamed.  One of those pathetic tribal screams you do when you are on a roller coaster.  I guess I thought as long as we both weren't pregnant I could deal.  But now I'm the only one left.  Every single one of my friends is pregnant or has a child (except the one single girl in our group), but me.  I love them.  I'm happy for them.  Ecstatic for M.  But so so sad for me.  

I rested this afternoon and found joy playing my dog.  Thank God for dogs.  One look into Bailey's sweet face and all the pain goes away.  We had a nice long walk and now I'm feeling a lot better.  And from this posting I can tell that I'm feeling more rational about the whole thing.  Its gotta be the clomid.  I don't react like that.  I don't scream.  I didn't get crazy on 50mgs at all.  I'm now on 100mg.  So I think that must be it.  

On a lighter note.....

I realized that I never got around to posting about the fabulous wedding that the husband and I attended last weekend.  The wedding was held at the Carneros Inn in Napa Valley.  The Inn was beautiful, and the setting was perfect for a wedding.  But the best part was the wine.  They served

Gloria Ferrer Carneros Cuvee

Cakebread Cellars Chardonnay, Napa Valley

ZD Pinot Noir, Carneros  

and Hope and Grace Cabernet, Napa Valley

Like a good girl I sampled them all.  And the husband and I were in complete agreement that the ZD Pinot Noir was the best.  I highly recommend this one to those like me, who prefer white wines.  I was surprised by the utter yumminess the ZD since I usually skip the Pinots.  

So happy today

So I met with my new RE (reproductive endocrinologist) and it was great.  The place was really easy to find and clean and bright and airy.  And I love that everything is there.  They can do your labs there, do your ultrasounds, everything.  At the GYN, to get anything done I would have to run all round town with referrals in hand.  

So the doctor is this very sweet woman who explained everything really well and totally empathized with my situation.  She thought that it was a lot for someone my age to have had to go through two myomectomies (fibroid removal surgery) already.  And she did a quick ultrasound to check my lining and look at the uterus.  Unfortunately, she found 2 new fibroids.  However, they are small and in the muscle.  Not dipping into the uterus like my old one.  So they don't have to be treated.  However, she wants me to do a saline ultrasound to make sure that the divit (see previous posts for explanation on this), in my uterus is not a big deal.  If it is, I may have to do another hysteroscopy which I really really don't want to do.  If it isn't we will move forward to do IUI (intrauterine insemination) with clomid.  And I'm very excited and hopeful about doing the IUI.  It isn't too expensive and it increases our chance by 15%.  And because I heard all this success stories of women (mostly other nesties) getting pregnant with IUI I feel like maybe this is our best chance.  

I'm also happy because when she did my ultrasound she could tell that I had ovulated on the left side.  I was so relieved to hear that because fertility friend was telling my I hadn't ovulated.  I think my chart was harder for the program to analyze this month because clomid gave me hot flashes early in my cycle, so by the time I did ovulate it didn't look like a clear temp shift.  However, by my own scientific eye I knew that my significant temp dip and then rise was indicative of ovulation.  But when you don't see those lovely crosshairs it is easy to second guess yourself.  Anyway, since she could tell that I did indeed ovulate I don't have to get my cycle day 21 bloodwork today.  Yay.  I hate having my blood drawn.  

On to pineapple

So it appears that the clomid actually worked.  According to my charts and OPKs it looks like I ovulated on day 15.  Day 15!!!!!  Although perfectly normal for most women, that is super early for me.  So now I've got to pick up a pineapple to start making my smoothies tonight.  The pineapple smoothies are something I picked up on the net.  Pineapple, and especially the core contain a chemical called Bromelain.  Bromelain helps with implantation.  So you're supposed to to cut a pineapple into 5ths, and eat 1/5 a day (including the core) for five days after ovulation.  I love pineapple.  Not to big a fan of the core.  But mashed in with yogurt and ice and the yummy pineapple chunks, the core is not too bad.  

Here is my baby making arsenal for this cycle

1. clomid (cd 3-7)

2. HSG (cd9)

3.  Sex every other day since cd 10, and every day when around ovulation

4. Pineapple core smoothies

5.  Acupuncture and Chinese herbs

6.  Prayer

7.  Oh and I'm supposed to start taking progesterone supplements on 3 DPO (to lengthen my LP). 

O.K. that is it.  We shall see if this works.  

Roll ball..... roll

So happily happily my period came on Thursday.  I've never been so happy to get my period.  So now the ball is rolling again.  I called to schedule my HSG and it is on the 11th.  And I started clomid today.  I didn't have any of the side effects I've heard about.  Just a little dizziness.  Otherwise everything is normal.  A little crampy today though.  But I'm not complaining.  Instead I've taken it as a sign to have a lazy Saturday lounging around reading and playing with my dog.  I was watching Jane Erye for a while but my husband came home and wanted to watch NCAA on the bigger TV.  So instead I'll catch up on my blogging.  Today is a great day.

All I can do is complain

I hate to be a whiner. I try to be a positive person. But enough is enough. I took my last Provera pill a week ago today. And where is my period. Nowheresville USA. This is getting so old. I just want to have my period so I can get my HSG, start my clomid, and have lots of sex. Mostly the last part. My husband has motivated big time the past few months. So I know that at least the trying will be fun. Plus he is so excited about the prospect of having twins. Me too actually. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Right now it is all about the flow. So come on flow. Get you big red a** over here already.

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

Feels sad, watches this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8MDNFaGfT4
Feels better.

Now I just have to finish my final two provera pills and wait on auntie flow. Still feeling positive. And excited about starting clomid. I have always wanted twins.

Be Positive.... in more ways than one

So today I saw a different doctor than usual today. He was super straightforward which I liked. He said that it is likely I've suffered an early miscarriage. Fantastic. I had a blood test today to confirm. And will know for sure tomorrow.

He wrote me a prescription for provera to start my period should the test be negative.
And a prescription for clomid.
And a prescription for prometrium to help with my short luteal phase. This one got me. He looked at my charts, appreciated that I'd been doing them and said that my luteal phase is short and that the clomid and prometrium will fix that. My normal doctor does not believe in LPD. And said I was fine. What what what???
So then I run into my normal doctor on the way out and he was like.... " I think this means you are pregnant. Lets keep your hopes up until you get the blood work back. It is best to be positive"

I am just numb right now. I'll just be waiting for my blood test results.