To this point things have not been easy. Not counting the last few weeks when everything seemed to be going smoothly, this has not been easy. Long time readers know what it took to get me to this point. And then once I got pregnant the beta numbers were super low. They divided properly but my doctor felt like we would lose the pregnancy and would not get behind it until the 6 week ultrasound when everything looked o.k. on the screen. Then my progesterone levels were low. Even on PIO shots, I had to start taking vaginal supplements as well because my numbers were low. For the first 10 weeks I lived in fear that the next ultrasound would show no heartbeat. That the spotting episodes were precursors to a miscarriage. I didn't even admit it hear. But I was terrified!
So for the last few weeks I've been happy. Excited about the baby, thrilled with her/his little movements, longing to hold him/her in my arms. But today the fear came back.
We decided to the quad screen because K's aunt had down's syndrome. His grandma was older when she had Auntie Edna so we hoped that was the reason. But just in case we decided to do the more thorough screen to give us peace of mind. The nuchal test showed little to no chance of downs. We were thrilled. But this morning my OB called me and I could tell by the sound of her voice that something was wrong. It seems once they added in the bloodwork my overall chance of having a down's baby is 1:200. O.K. now that isn't bad if you think about the chance. But it is bad considering that in my age group the normal range is 1:420. That scares the hell out of me. But even more scary is the fact that we have a 1:300 chance of having trisomy 18. The norm for my age group is 1:1000. What??????????? I was fine on the phone with the OB. She said I should think about doing an amnio for peace of mind and to remember that the quad screen is a risk assessment and not a diagnosis. But how can I do that. Especially given that so far nothing about this has been easy. But then I try to think of the numbers again. Numbers wise (not comparing to my age group), the risk doesn't seem that great. It wasn't like I was given a 1:50 chance for either disability. Right? Am I thinking about this right? I told you I suck at math. And then I think, well with my early beta numbers all the doctors in my RE practice thought that I would lose the pregnancy. And I'm 17 weeks now. So..... how can I trust these numbers. Numbers don't like me. And I don't like them.
K doesn't want to risk doing an amnio. I'm not sure I want to either. But do I really want to just worry until September. Can I stand it? What would you do?