Sunday, August 16, 2009

Is this bad?

My blood work from this morning looked good so we are on for Friday Transfer. I start taking PIO tonight and continue the estrace. I'm excited. I'm hopeful.

I also feel good because my mom and dad are coming to visit. They will be here for a week and I'm so happy I could burst. I haven't felt this happy in a long long time. I really miss them.
But K and I made the decision to not tell our parents about the FET ages ago. We just don't want the questions. Question like "are you sure you've waited long enough" and "will a baby be normal after being frozen" and "did you test, are you pregnant, what if what if what if". We just can't deal with that. So the only one who knows besides you guys is my brother who I just can't keep anything from. He is my own personal IRL cheerleader and he is keeping his mouth closed from the 'rents. But how are we supposed to keep this from them when they are here. I'm going to have to lie right to their faces. I hate to lie to them. But I can't face the alternative. So my plan on transfer day is to say I have to have a procedure that will help me get pregnant again. They know about the IF, fibroids, endo, etc so they won't question this. They may feel odd about me needing 2 days of bedrest, but they'll go with it. They will just want to know that I'm o.k. and will probably be happy that they are going to be around to take care of me. So I feel a little guilty. But really, telling them feels like if we were doing it the natural way and I said "hey don't mind us we are going to get busy now and try to make you another grandchild," so I feel justified in not telling them what is going on. But telling a boldface lie like this is going to be hard.

17 comments:

meinsideout said...

It is hard. Trust your gut - I always try to and I try to avoid straight face lying - it makes me feel worse. That being said - I would if I had to in order to protect what I feel needs to be protected. Period.

Mr. M's parents are in their 70s, strict Italian folks and we will never tell them about the DS - I told Mr. M his mother would probably ask if that meant I had sex with another man.

bencu said...

DO NOT feel guilty!! I know where you are coming from, but put yourself first and do not worry. Just think how wonderful the news will be when you can tell them you are pregnant again. Enjoy your time with them and do not stress! Besides, you're not really lying to them. You actually are having a procedure done that will help you get pregnant again. :)
I'm so excited for you!!

'Murgdan' said...

I always have a hard time keeping my mouth shut...just remember, you aren't obligated to tell anyone anything.

Only a few friends from work know about my upcoming transfer. No one else.

(except the internet).

Hang in there, whatever you decide. I'll be thinking of you on Friday.

Michelle said...

I am keeping everything crossed for you. At least with them here it will make the time go by faster. I hope you have a good time!

Anastasia said...

don't tell them. that's my two cents. You don't need the what if what if what if and there's nothing wrong with keeping them in the dark until you're ready to tell.

Bluebird said...

Do whatever makes it easiest on you. You may change your mind about what that is!, but just be easy on yourself.

And the very best of luck :)

Astrid said...

I am definitely a fan of NOT telling the parents for exactly the reasons you describe - all the questioning - as well as the over-burdensome sympathy and the fact that once my mom knows, everyone in our family and friends of the family will know. There is no way I'm going down that road. I wouldn't even tell them when it got to the point that I was being treted with chemo. Especially not that.

What you are contemplating is not even really a lie. If it were me I'd probably say they are removing scarring or a cyst or something. Something surgical that would require bedrest but isn't directly related to getting pregnant. Otherwise there will be questions. Don't feel bad, you need to do what will make you more comfortable day-to-day in the long run.

Bella said...

We didn't tel anyone during our cycle and I was so glad we didn't. I was stressed enough without people calling and asking 2 million questions. Even though you feel like you are lying, it's for a good reason and your parents will understand in the end. Crossing everything for your successful FET!!!!!

strongblonde said...

honestly, i don't think that this is bad at all. it's just not telling the whole truth...and if you decide you want to reveal that later on: you totally can. who cares. you have to protect your own emotional wellbeing as much as possible, you know!!

thinking lots about you!!!xoxo

twelvegrapes said...

I will be crossing fingers for your transfer! How exciting to finally be at this point. As far as spilling the beans...you do whatever will bring you the most peace during your resting period. If it's keeping mum, then keep mum. You are the most important factor here. You and your peace of mind. That's just my 2cents.

Sweet Georgia said...

I wouldn't feel guilty about it. You have to do what's best for you and that's what your parents would want you to do. Good luck with your FET this Friday!!!!

Clio said...

yeay for your scheduled transfer!! great news!
sheeesh... yep, lying to your parents face won't be easy. But think of it as theater, as an act, a role. You can sustain it for a short few days. if you feel that you still want to keep the FET to yourselves, that is surely the best way. We too are not sharing anything with parents right now. It feels weird not to have the support, but it feels light to not have to deal with their expectations, pressure and then possible disappointment. And in fact you won't be lying, you are going to have a procedure to help you make them a grandchild! You're just omitting a few details.

Alison said...

GOOD LUCK on Friday!!!

theworms said...

GL!!!

If it is easier to deal by not telling, don't tell.

Praying for you and your embies - snuggle in tight little ones.

iamstacey said...

I'm keeping you in my thoughts! Let us know how the transfer goes!

Once your folks are here, you may change your mind and decide you need their support. Just go with your heart and do what feels right to you! Your parents will understand and support you either way!

Dora said...

Not bad at all. You do what you need to do for your own peace of mind. Hell, I didn't tell my mother ANYTHING until I was about 16 weeks.

Good luck, girl!

Anonymous said...

Praying for you tomorrow.

Kelley