Non-Elusive BFP: honest scrap

So my RE appointment didn't result the way I had hoped. Dr. W and all the staff were as sweet as they always were. Dr. W wanted to give me a hug. We talked for a long time before the sonogram. During the talk she asked me to explain exactly what happened and as I did I started tearing up. She handed me tissue and I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. It was so sad. She asked me about my mental state and asked about therapy. I told her how I didn't like the support group and was considering one on one counseling. Turns out she personally knew some of the counselors and told me which ones she thought I would mesh with. Her $.02 was that even if I don't need a counselor now I will most certainly do better to have one when I get pregnant again because I'll be really anxious and that won't be good for me or the baby. So I'm going to give it a try. What have I got to loose. And as many of you suggested I can always quit if I don't like it. So I'm going to call today and try to set up an appointment.

The next part of the conversation was about moving forward and the ease of a FET vs fresh. She said our frozen embryos are excellent quality and assured me that the chances of them not surviving the thaw are slim to none. That the lab is amazing and has 99.9 thaw rate. All the embies are in individual straws and can be thawed one at a time so if per chance the first one didn't make it, the next one would be fine. And I have a bunch (7 I think). So that is a great thing. However, she suggests we only transfer one. That twins OBVIOUSLY wouldn't work because I wouldn't be able to carry them to term. This stung. I don't like the odds of getting pregnant with only one embie. I had 2 transferred last time and only Lydia stuck. So this really scares me. I don't want to go month after month of transferring one and nobody s

ticks. But my RE said that the frozen embies are even stronger maybe than Lydia and her brother/sister embie were because they lasted a day longer etc etc. Whatever. The next part of the conversation really killed me. She wants to do a hysteroscopy (this will be my 4th) to make sure the uterus is totally clean. I know we need to do this. Especially given my history of fibroids and scar tissue. But I don't want to do that again. Dr. W insisted that the multiple hysteroscopies could not have affected my cervix. But I'll always wonder. So on day one of my cycle I am supposed to call her to schedule the surgery and start BCPs. The sonogram showed one good sized follie on my right ovary so that should pop out soon and then my period should follow shortly thereafter. Then it is hysteroscopy, then a month off to heal, then the FET. God this all seems so far away. I have a consult with a MFM on Thursday. Hopefully he'll have some good news for me.

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O.K. so Astrid over at babymaking101 was kind enough to give me the honest scrap award.

Thanks for giving me this honor Astrid. And sorry it has taken me so long to accept it.

The Rules for this award are to write 10 Honest Things about myself. So here it is:

1. I've been watching re-runs of full house during my leave. It is drivel but it makes me happy.

2. I was a mean girl. Yes a mean girl like in the movie. I could write all about the bitchy things I did but then you guys probably wouldn't like me. Let me just say that I changed my wicked ways by senior year.

3. I believe that all of the bad things that have happened to me are a cause of Karma biting back. Why poor K has to be brought down by my bad behavior is the only part I can't account for. So maybe it isn't Karma. Unless he was bad too.

4. I gained ~20lbs last year due to IF. Gross I know. I used to exercise a lot but last year I was so depressed I just stopped working out and when I don't work out I gain weight.

5. I don't think Kate is a monster. I think Jon is a douche and she probably treats him like crap because of his douchyness and she was probably under a crap ton of stress with all those babies to take care of. I give her the benefit of the doubt because she is an IF survivor and therefore my sister.

6. I've been watching the Young and the Restless since I was 9. Still watch everyday (thank goodness for DVRs and online tv).

7. I think I want to be a SAHM. After all this crap if I ever manage to deliver a living baby I don't know that I would want to give up any time with the baby. This after getting a Ph.D might seem crazy but I just think family is the most important thing right now.

8. I hold a grudge

9. I can beat anyone at brickbreaker. I rock.

10. I really can't come up with a 1oth. So there. I'm breaking the rules.

So the other rules that come with receiving this award include giving it to at least 7 other blog writers that you find brilliant in content or design.

* Show the 7 winners’ names on your blog and leave a comment informing them that they have been awarded Honest Scrap.

And the winners......in no particular order are: