Tuesday, June 17, 2008

no more ??

I'm done.  I'm so done with all of this for awhile.  Not sure the next time I'll feel up to posting here.  So I'll just get this last bit out.
Went in for IUI today.  Was told DH's count was low with zero motility.  WTF?  2 prior sperm analysis results were normal and actually quite good.  My RE thinks DHs recent illness may have contributed to the poor quality sample.  So no IUI.  I was crushed.  Then came the second blow.

It seems that my fibroid is back and in full affect.  They could see it when doing my sonogram yesterday.  Then when looking back at my HSG films my RE figured that the divit (what the HSG technician called it) was actually my re-born fibroid.  The fucking fibroid that I've already undergone 2 surgeries to remove.  RE wants to do a myomectomy.  A more aggressive surgery to cut out the fibroid.  Then back to the clomid IUI treatment.  But how long is this going to take.  How long do I have to deal with this.  I am not using question marks because these are more like statements.  I'm tired of asking when this is going to happen for me.  Maybe I'm being dramatic.  

All I know is right now the tears won't stop.  

11 comments:

Amy said...

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all this. I know telling you it will get better won't do much good right now. I know its little comfort. Just know there are others out there who have been where you are and empathize with you. This really sucks. Again I'm so sorry.

E_Sharp said...

I can't blame you for feeling so terrible. Its a hell of a sh*tty situation you are in. I'm really sorry that you have to go through all this. I wish I could send you some good luck, and have it actually reach you. For what its worth, I'll try anyway.

~M~ said...

You aren't being dramatic! I'm so sorry it's not going the way it should. **hugs**

SAHW said...

I'm so sorry for all the unexpected surprises that just came your way...I hope sincerely that resolving these issues won't be too hard or take too long.

littlemonkey said...

I'm sorry. That's terrible. I understand your need for a break from blogging, but you will be missed.

Please let me know if you want to meet up for coffee or ice cream or something.

Ariella said...

Iam so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult find all this out is. Sending you prayers and a big hug!

kate said...

Oh, that sucks. I'm so so sorry. It hurts so badly to feel "broken" (at least that's always how I feel when they uncover yet another bizarre medical malady that I suffer from). I'm just so sorry. I'll be sending healing vibes your direction, for what it's worth.

Stephanie said...

I'm so sorry that this is all happening at once. It is so frustrating and crushing sometimes, getting your hopes up. It always seems like with IF and TTTC we are always getting some kind of bad news and always having to wait, wait, wait. It is torture and it is devastating. I'm so sorry. I will keep you in my prayers. ((hugs))

JamieD said...

I am so, so sorry. For the love of all that's holy, can SOMETHING just go right for a change?!?!

You are in my thoughts . . .

ldybth said...

You are completely justified with your feelings....I have many friends who have been through the same issues as you, and I know how helpless situations can seem.

But, if you just keep a clear head, and if you and your husband keep focusing on your marriage, all will work out just fine.....If fibroids are so happy in your uterus, imagine how happy an actual baby will eventually be!

Get you husband on heavy antioxidants (e-mail me if you want a recommendation), and his little fishies will be swimming in NO TIME!!

Melissa said...

I'm sorry i'm late on this.. I'm so sorry that all this suckiness is happening for you.. I hope it will get better for you soon!