But tonight I have this sense of exhaustion. I haven't even done anything yet. Haven't taken a BCP, haven't injected myself, haven't had to mix drugs and ice my butt. But I will have to. And soon. It feels like K and I were walking down a road that split into two paths. And we decided to go left and but could turn back if we want to. We don't want to. But we can't help but look at the other path as we walk along.
In the car tonight he asked if I really wanted to do this because it is so hard. He didn't really realize how hard this will be on my body. I guess all the time I've spent reading blogs I've learned about all the fatigue, bloating, possible ovarian hyper-stimulation, potential heartache, or magnificent joy that can come of as a result as an IVF cycle, I've prepared myself. But he hasn't had this. He wants to protect me. He is scared.
So this of course makes me scared. Makes me look at things differently. Makes me wanna think about just giving up and maybe moving towards adoption. However, deep down I know that that isn't what is in my heart just yet. That I would never forgive myself if I didn't at least try this route.
At least I've got a few weeks to just breath. I don't have to do anything just yet. And for once I'm going to enjoy the break. I have spent way to much time wanting to rush through breaks and start cycling again. I'm just gonna relax these last 3 weeks. Well, at least I'll try to just relax. We'll see!