Wednesday, October 15, 2008

A little overwhelmed

Today we had our IVF class.  I had been looking forward to this.  It meant one more step towards making our baby.  

But tonight I have this sense of exhaustion.  I haven't even done anything yet.  Haven't taken a BCP, haven't injected myself, haven't had to mix drugs and ice my butt.  But I will have to.  And soon.  It feels like K and I were walking down a road that split into two paths.  And we decided to go left and but could turn back if we want to.  We don't want to.  But we can't help but look at the other path as we walk along.

In the car tonight he asked if I really wanted to do this because it is so hard.  He didn't really realize how hard this will be on my body.  I guess all the time I've spent reading blogs I've learned about all the fatigue, bloating, possible ovarian hyper-stimulation, potential  heartache, or magnificent joy that can come of as a result as an IVF cycle, I've prepared myself.  But he hasn't had this.  He wants to protect me.  He is scared.  

So this of course makes me scared.  Makes me look at things differently.  Makes me wanna think about just giving up and maybe moving towards adoption.  However, deep down I know that that isn't what is in my heart just yet.  That I would never forgive myself if I didn't at least try this route.  

At least I've got a few weeks to just breath.  I don't have to do anything just yet. And for once I'm going to enjoy the break.  I have spent way to much time wanting to rush through breaks and start cycling again.  I'm just gonna relax these last 3 weeks.  Well, at least I'll try to just relax.  We'll see!

8 comments:

Sassy said...

*hug*

April said...

my husband was the same way. he was a little shocked and suprised with all that was actually involved. my friend who lives a block away and is a nurse did my IM shots, and we tried to teach him so if he HAD to he could....but he just gasped when he saw it happen. I think that he just thought of all of that stuff hurting me.

It is involved...but has the potential of being sooooo worth it :)

xoxo, a

alicia said...

oh I can imagine how overwhelming and frightening it would be for both of you to start this journey. But you are a strong girl! And I know you will be able to do it, and all us internet girls will support you as much as we can!

have a nice 3 week relax time :)

Anonymous said...

I totally understand how you feel tomorrow I go in for my CD3 blood work and information session and I am starting to feel a bit overwhelmed again-militarywife2b

emilythehopeless said...

i just finished (failed) my first IVF cycle.. it was tough, but not as bad as i thought it would be. even though it didn't work, seeing our embryos (and knowing we have two left for our FET cycle) is really priceless. it's definitely all overwhelming for sure. many hugs to you and your DH.

E_Sharp said...

You know, it might not be as hard on you as it has been on others. I imagine the process is different for everyone. I hope its a breeze for you, and that it all ends as it should!

theworms said...

It will be worth it. We'll support you every step of the way. (HUG)

Dora said...

Really, the physical stuff is not so bad. The emotional part ... well, that's another story. You'd have that with adoption, too.

You'll be fine. :-)