Coincidence?

Do you think this a good sign or what?  This sign met me in the elevator at work today.  So I snapped a photo with my ever trusty iphone.  

I had my suppression check today and my RE did the scan herself to check out the cyst issue.  She said it looks fine, there is just some endometriosis around my left ovary that probably confused the ultrasound technician.  So if my bloodwork comes back o.k. I'll be starting follistim and menopur on Friday.  Then she is going to do my first follie check on Tuesday.    So far everything is working.  So should I believe Paul Revere or what?

doing shots at a dinner party

Last night K and I went to a dinner party at his colleague's house.  The party had 1 pregnant lady (wife of  the colleague), 2 toddlers, and one child in addition to the 8 adults.  The meal was great.  (Yummy BBQ.  There is just something extra special about eating BBQ in Winter/Fall.  And the company was greater.  We didn't know anyone but the hosts.  But everyone was friendly and we enjoyed watching the little girls play.  They had little strollers with baby dolls and pushed them about the house.  K commented "this is where it starts huh."  At the end of the night one of the toddler girls kissed me a sweet little kiss the way only baby girls can and it just melted my heart.  Then she beckoned K to come over so she could kiss him on the cheek.  My heart was liquid after this.  It was just the sweetest thing.  I want one!  But you all already know that.

I had to steal away to give myself my lupron injection during the party.  That was interesting.  I was worried that someone would think I spending an awfully long time in the powder room.  But whatever.  People do on occasion have to spend long amounts of time in powder rooms.  I'm sure no one would guess that I was shooting up in there.  Filling my body with drugs that will help me to give a little playmate to those precious girls.  Anyway it went off without a hitch.  So I'm more prepared for repeating this on Thanksgiving which we will be spending with a different group of friends. 

On a different note, I wanted to keep a running list of all the blogs I have visitited for ICLW.    I like to start from the bottom and work my way up.  So far I have visitited #s109-91.  And already I've found some that I will go back to for sure.  I love ICLW.  

From waiting to waiting

It seemed like it took for ever for me to get to start provera, then forever, for my period to start, then forever for the start of birth control pills.  Today I took the first pill after my cd 3 blood draw.  I felt liberated for about 3 minutes.  Then realized that I now get to sit around and wait to start lupron.  Not that I'm anxious to poke myself daily.  But I am anxious to get the show on the road.  Because I've had this obnoxious 2 months healing post hysteroscopy I've literally been waiting to try to conceive for 5 months.  I'm am very tired of waiting.  But I get to look forward to lupron and then look forward to stims.  Let the waiting continue.....

A little overwhelmed

Today we had our IVF class.  I had been looking forward to this.  It meant one more step towards making our baby.  

But tonight I have this sense of exhaustion.  I haven't even done anything yet.  Haven't taken a BCP, haven't injected myself, haven't had to mix drugs and ice my butt.  But I will have to.  And soon.  It feels like K and I were walking down a road that split into two paths.  And we decided to go left and but could turn back if we want to.  We don't want to.  But we can't help but look at the other path as we walk along.

In the car tonight he asked if I really wanted to do this because it is so hard.  He didn't really realize how hard this will be on my body.  I guess all the time I've spent reading blogs I've learned about all the fatigue, bloating, possible ovarian hyper-stimulation, potential  heartache, or magnificent joy that can come of as a result as an IVF cycle, I've prepared myself.  But he hasn't had this.  He wants to protect me.  He is scared.  

So this of course makes me scared.  Makes me look at things differently.  Makes me wanna think about just giving up and maybe moving towards adoption.  However, deep down I know that that isn't what is in my heart just yet.  That I would never forgive myself if I didn't at least try this route.  

At least I've got a few weeks to just breath.  I don't have to do anything just yet. And for once I'm going to enjoy the break.  I have spent way to much time wanting to rush through breaks and start cycling again.  I'm just gonna relax these last 3 weeks.  Well, at least I'll try to just relax.  We'll see!

Private Practice

O.K. so I love the series Private Practice.  I love that the writing is smart and the acting is good.  And I like that one of the doctors is a fertility specialist.  

That being said.....I hated the season premier.  I hated the storyline about a couple who used PGD to select a genetic match for their sickly 7 year old son.  The baby is 6 months in utero and healthy.  But because the son is feared to die soon, the parents want the unborn baby delivered so they could used the cord blood to save the son.    When the main character decides that she will not deliver the baby early in order to give her a chance at life, the mother breaks her own water with a knitting needle.  

It just broke my heart.  I mean, I know it is just TV and they have to make it dramatic.  But this just hit a wrong nerve with me.  Especially in light of this retarded article.  I don't want people thinking that  reproductive technology is used for people who want "designer babies" or selfish career women who waited too long.  Or people who want to create a child just to use their cord blood.  Uh.  

Baby Mama (spoiler warning)

O.K. so although many of you may have already seen this movie, I waited for it to come out on dvd.  But I figured I would place a little spoiler warning for those of you who haven't watched it yet.  If you haven't watched and still want to then I would not read below the line

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Alright so I thought it was really lame. I know it is a movie, but come on.  It was completely unrealistic.  For those of us IF soldiers it is one of those slap in the face scenarios where the woman can't get pregnant and tries everything only to magically get pregnant once she thought she was having a baby via a surrogate.  What the hell.  And it really annoyed me that the surrogate did not get a beta after her transfer.  I know it would have changed the plot slightly but it would have made a lot more sense.  Then there is the case of the Tina Fey character only finding out that she has a T shaped uterus after all of her 9IUIs and IVFs fail.  WTF.  Wouldn't she have found that out before hand.  Whatever.  

The one thing I did like was the annoyance that Tina Fey felt over the surrogate company owner getting pregnant at a late age naturally.  I could actually relate to that.  

Altogether it was a relatively cute film.  I expected more from Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.  I just thought it would have been a lot funnier.    

More To Think About

O.K. so it is as my husband described it.  My RE said that there is stage 3 endometriosis mostly behind my uterus and tubes, and she couldn't really clean that up.  She did remove a ton of scar tissue that she found on my uterus and around that area.  And my tubes are open and functional.  However,........ the endo tissue is restricting movement of the fimbriae of my tubes and that could prevent them from catching a newly released egg.  So IVF is our best option.  IVF! I'm ready for this.  My husband is ready for this.  We are ready to shell out thousands of dollars that we have been saving away and we are ready for the drugs, and multiple doctor visits.  Our parents our supporting this new turn.  But there is one thing that I'm afraid of.  One thing thing that is holding me back.  

What happens to any extra embryos that aren't inserted?  There is no way that I would kill them.  But could we keep them on ice forever?  Now I know at this point this is just speculation because I haven't even started the process yet and may not even get any fertilized embryos.  My husband thinks I've stepped into crazy Catholisism here.  We are both Catholic and go to church semi-regularly.  And I don't follow all of the church's beliefs.  But I do believe that life begins at conception.  Even if it does happen in a petri dish.  And any little embryos that are created in that dish would be our children.  So I would not allow them to be destroyed.  We talked about saving them for later on for future children.  But I've read about some women having upwards of 9 frozen embryos.  To reiterate, I know that it is silly to think of this stuff now.  That I may not even end up with a lot of embryos, or I might use them up just to get pregnant with one healthy child.  Who knows.  We are still only just starting to talk about this stuff.  

I go in this afternoon to have the balloon removed from my uterus.  Hopefully things are healing o.k. in there.  I started acupuncture again just as an extra help.  I really couldn't deal with any more scar tissue problems.  And I have an eight week protocol of estradiol/prometrium, estradiol/prometrium.  And a saline sonogram to check the lining of the uterus and to break up any new adhesions that may form.  After that we will resume treatments.  So it is back to waiting around.  But at least we can take the time to really think things through.