Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I missed my daily therapy

I've been offline for a while due to the move.  Didn't realize how much I depend on reading your blogs and going to my  favorite message boards. That is my daily therapy.  So glad to have the internet back.   But I least I had moving as a distraction.  I'm so glad I had this to concentrate on.  And I'm so glad that here in this new town I'm anonymous.  Nobody knows me.  Nobody knows I was pregnant.  So I don't have to explain and retell the tail.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not denying Lydia's existence or anything.  I just like that I don't have to cry and explain what happened to her again and again.  I wish there were some magic way to fast forward through this.  To be back at work, to be trying again.  I just hate this place I'm in right now.

Yesterday I saw my nephew over skype.  He is a beautiful baby and I just wish I could cuddle him.  I know I would be more emotional if I saw him in person but over the computer he just looks like a sweet little guy who needs a hug from auntie Bets.  Well maybe it also helps that he is a boy.  A girl would probably upset me more.  
I hadn't spoken to my SIL at all since Lydia's birth/death.  I think she was too scared to talk to me and I know I didn't want to talk to her.  Well she was so nice.  She practically begged me to just move back home so that they could take care of me.  She said she hated that they were so far away during my time of need and I should be with family and had it not been for their baby they would have been here in an instant.  We talked about me trying again soon and she said that it would be better for me to be there with them nearby so that if I go on bedrest then it will be more than just K to take care of me.  I think she is right.  Maybe we should think about this.  The reality is  that we've been wanted to move for sometime anyway.  It is just that life has gotten in the way time and time again.  So maybe.    Although moving again would be really annoying.  I just got everything unpacked.  I promise to post some photos later.  Something else to do.


Mrs. Spit said...

Wow, that's a lot of work. Hang in there.

Mrs. Spit said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mo and Will said...


Wow. Glad you're unpacked. and glad that it's been a good distraction. you've been in my thoughts a lot. it makes perfect sense that you wouldn't want to have to tell and retell the horrible story of losing lydia. absolutely. in time you'll find people you want to share it with but i'm glad that new location lets you proceed at your own pace.

and i'm glad your family is being supportive. you deserve all the love that you can get right now.

thinking of you, your husband, and lydia


meepitonparade said...

Thinking about you guys. (((hugs)))

alicia said...

i agree the comp is my therapy too!

sounds like you have lots to think about! hugs thinking of you.

Michelle said...

That is nice that you get to be in a new town. Definitely not having to relive it must be good. I am thinking about you every day and sending hugs. I hope time goes by fast for you and someday you can feel better!

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