Wednesday, May 27, 2009

1 month

The little "vacation" was good.  It was nice for K and I to have some quality time together.  I feel really close to him now.  Closer than ever in our relationship. We walked a lot, holding hands tightly and didn't really have to say anything.  We were just really connected.  So that felt wonderful.  We did talk a bunch though at other times.  We talked a lot about what we want to do with Lydia's ashes.  They should be ready to pick up this week.  Initially we had decided to place them in a mausoleum and have a service with our priest.  Some of our relatives and my best friend offered to fly in for it.  But I feel like that would be odd.  They didn't know Lydia like K and I.  They wouldn't be remembering her.  But they would be supporting us.  They've already done that.  I don't know, I just feel that it isn't necessary for them to come here.  Actually I'm thinking that I might go against the church and scatter her ashes.  The thing is K and I don't plan on staying in CA forever.  And we don't want to leave Lydia's remains in a place that we may never visit.  If we were to scatter her in the ocean, she would be everywhere.  All the oceans connect right.  So whenever we went to the beach we would feel connected to her.  Alternatively we could keep the remains in an urn and then bury them or scatter them wherever we settle for good, hopefully near family.  The decision hasn't been made yet.  But I suppose we have time.  Once we have the ashes they can just be as we come to a decision.

We had really nice meals.  I wouldn't say we are foodies, but we do love to eat, and we especially love to try new restaurants.  We haven't been eating very well in the past couple of weeks.  And haven't gone out to eat either.  So the vacation really super charged this feeling in the both of us.  So I'm planning to cook some of our favorite meals while I'm still at home.

Well I can't believe its been a month since we lost her.  Oddly it feels like time has flown by while standing still.  I only have 2 weeks before I have to go back to work.  But that is o.k. I'm not afraid to go back to work anymore.  It will be good to do science again.  Good to use my brain. But I am afraid of the people.  That is going to be the hard part. 

13 comments:

Mrs. Spit said...

I'm glad your time away was good, and I think the ocean is a lovely place.

When our son died, and we were considering a private service, our family and friends came to us and reminded us, that they wanted to attend, not just to support us, but also because Gabriel was a member of our family, a part of our circle of friends, a member of our faith community.

Our friends grieved his death, not in the same way that his father and I did, but as a member who should have been present, but is not. He is not just my child, but a cousin, a nephew, a grandchild, a god child. He was so much more than mine.

perhaps your friends and family feel the same way?

Mary said...

It is good to hear that you got a chance to get away. We did the same thing. I don't think I was ready for it. Now I wish I would have waited. Lydia will be with you regardless of what you decide to do.

Echloe said...

Mrs. Spit, that is a good way of looking at it. I will bring this up to K to help us better make our decision. Thank you for the advice.

B MoM said...

Remembering your loved little one while near any oceans seems very beautiful to me...b/c she'll be everywhere.

Bella said...

I'm glad that you could enjoy your vaca and your time together. Always thinking of you.

Astrid said...

I do love the ocean idea. Glad you had a nice trip!

Michelle said...

I am glad you both had a nice time. You deserve it. I think it is a great plan to do with the ashes. That is what I would do for sure!

bencu said...

May 9th was my dad's b-day and after 2 years since his passing, we spread his ashes at Lake Chelan. It's a place he loved! It was such a wonderful experience and I just feel so much better knowing he's swimming freely now. I know the situations are different, but it could be a really powerful thing for you and your hubby to do. The best part was that the water turned a beautiful blue/green color and we could see him moving through the water for several minutes afterward. It's a moment I will never forget!

But you guys will know in your heart where the right place and time will be.

strongblonde said...

so glad that you had a good trip and that you guys are there to support eachother. you really need a good relationship with your spouse during times like these.

...i really like the idea of the ocean. when you are on vacation you can feel connected, you can feel connected wherever you end up going. i like that. she's part of your life wherever you are.

xoxo

theworms said...

You're always in my thoughts. I'm glad you had a nice time with DH, being in a different space is nice sometimes.

(((HUGS)))

Busted said...

I'm so glad your vacation provided some calm and bonding time.

As far as Lydia's ashes, you have all the time you want to decide what to do. Once we had our Doodles back, I decided to just hang on to them for now, I like having them near me and being able to "hold" them, but we are still considering doing something else with them someday, possibly burial, not sure...if you're interested, last July when we got their remains back I asked others what they had done and got a ton of responses and their reasoning.

(((HUGS)))

meinsideout said...

I am glad that you were able to connect with your husband. I am so sorry for what you have been through. Your patient plan sounds just right to me.

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