o.k. o.k.

Tested again this morning.  Still think I can see the thinnest of thin lines.  Is it possible to see just the indentation mark where the line would be.  I don't see any color.  Just a line.  My husband has suggested that I just wait 2 days and test again.  So I will.   Either I'll get my period (because I stopped taking the prometrium) or I'll see a for real colored line on my last test.  Or I suppose I could get a digital.  :  )

Also I finally broke down and told my mom everything.  It was so cathartic.  I felt like it had all been building up inside me and I poured my heart out and cried.  She was really understanding and cried a little too.  But then she said the dreaded "you need to relax" because you work all the time, and "you are probably just trying too hard".  I sort of knew she would say that crap.  But the one useful thing she said was that her Aunt Milly was listed the sterile old aunty for a long time, then at 36 popped out her first and had 4 more within the next couple of years.  I'm only 32 yet.  So there is hope.  Plus I thought everyone in my family was super fertile and noone ever had any problems.  If this Aunt Milly was infertile there was nothing she could of done back in those days (1950s) especially since they lived on a tiny little island in the caribbean.  So it must have just worked out for her.  I've got lots of medical options to try.  And I got a referral for an RE yesterday and will call to make an appointment today.  Maybe I'm already pregnant and don't have to worry about this anymore.  But I highly doubt it.  I think at this point it is just wishful thinking or I have little squigglies floating around my eyes and think that they are lines.  Ha.

Is a line really a line???

So there is this mantra on The Nest boards that goes, "a line is a line".  Meaning that if you see even a hint of a line you are pregnant.  Hmmm.  Well either I'm going crazy from all of these months or my eyes were totally screwed up this morning, or I saw an evaporative line (although this was within the 5 minute mark).  My husband think we are just looking at the spot where the line would should show up if Hcg was detected and just seeing the shadow.  So we decided to wait and test again in the morning.  

So I'm not really hopeful.  I mean I would have expected a clear line.  But I used a cheapy test.  So I'll try first response tomorrow.  

Confession

I tested yesterday (11DPO)  with an internet cheapy.  Stark white negative.  But I'm not supposed to test until tomorrow (13DPO) so perhaps there is still a chance.  Should I get a negative tomorrow, the plan is to do another round of clomid.  Now that I know that clomid makes me ovulate early we can have better timed intercourse that will hopefully result in that ever elusive bfp.  So no tears and no stress.  

New England Style Apple Pie

I won a contest on Saturday.  It was so much fun.  My church had this chili cook-off and apple pie bake-off and I won for my traditional apple pie.  I used a tried and true recipe that I slightly adapted from my moms super old cookbook that is literally brown around the edges.  I have never in my life entered a contest like this, but thought I'd give it a shot.  I've become a big fan of those food challenges on Food Network and I think those kind of inspired me to go for it.  And I've made this buy a billion times for my family and it is always a big hit.  So I got 1st place out of 10 other pies and won a gift certificate.  

Here is the recipe if  anyone wants to give it a shot.  It is fairly simple.  The hardest part is prepping the apples.  I'm lucky that I have this cool apple corer peeler tool (pictured below) that makes apple slinky liked sliced up apples in no time.

O.K Here is the Recipe:

1 C sugar

1/2 tsp ginger (powdered)

1 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp nutmeg (powdered)

1/4 tsp salt

2 TBSP flour

3 TBSP black tea

1 TBS lemon juice

6-7 granny smith apples

2 TBSP butter

Pastry for double crust 9 inch pie

Roll out 1/2 of the pastry for bottom crust.  Fill into 9 inch pie plate.

Pre-heat oven to 425

Combine spices with flour, tea, and lemon juice and mix well.

Alternate slices of apples with spice mixture to top of pie pan and pile slightly higher in the center.

Place bits of the butter all around pie.

Roll out top crust and cut slits in it for ventilation.  Cover pie, pressing edges of crust together by fluting or with a fork.

Bake for 10 minutes at 425, then turn down heat to 350 and bake for 50 minutes.

Serve with a slice of Vermont Extra Sharp Cheddar.

Wicked easy right?

Phantom symptoms

So I'm just 9 DPO and of course the phantom symptoms have started.  I know it is all in my head.  That I can't clearly the difference between implantation cramping and indigestion.  But it doesn't stop me from analyzing every twinge I feel.  If I had been scientific about it I would have made a record of all the symptoms I've experienced since I started really paying attention to my cycles.  Then I would have some sort of comparison to go back to and say, "no dummy, you've had that feeling before and you didn't get pregnant," but I just have snippets here in my blog.  I know that my constant sore boobs are just from the added progesterone supplements.  And temps don't really mean that much except post LP when they stay up, and the progesterone will probably screw with that as well.  I know I've tasted pennies before (I don't know why this is associated with pregnancy), but it was meaningless.  I haven't tasted them yet this time around.  But I have had a lot of crampiness which started about 2 days ago.  I don't know what that is all about.  But I do know that it is wise to not put stock in any of that.  I just have to hold out until test day.  Tuesday.  Come on Tuesday.

Day 21 bloodwork

I hate getting my blood drawn.  I had to go this morning to get my progesterone levels checked to verify that I've ovulated.  I'll find out in a couple of days.  But so far due to my chart I feel that I really did ovulate and on cycle day 14 to boot (not 15 as previously stated).  Anyway, I just hate it.  The act of blood oozing slowly out of my vein into a test tube always gives me the chills.  And I get so tense for the little needle stick.  I know it isn't that painful but I get all stressed out about it and make it worse than it is.  I suppose one good thing is at least I know that about myself and can prep the phlebotomist.  The woman I had today was so nice and did the draw super fast.  So I walked out of there pretty unscathed.  

I was a good girl and ate all my pineapple.  And I've been taking my Dang gui and Artemesia combination herbs as directed.  So now I just sit back and wait.  Just a few days to go until I can test.  I only have to internet cheapy tests at home so that will discourage me from testing too early I think.  We'll see.  I'll let you know of course.

On to pineapple

So it appears that the clomid actually worked.  According to my charts and OPKs it looks like I ovulated on day 15.  Day 15!!!!!  Although perfectly normal for most women, that is super early for me.  So now I've got to pick up a pineapple to start making my smoothies tonight.  The pineapple smoothies are something I picked up on the net.  Pineapple, and especially the core contain a chemical called Bromelain.  Bromelain helps with implantation.  So you're supposed to to cut a pineapple into 5ths, and eat 1/5 a day (including the core) for five days after ovulation.  I love pineapple.  Not to big a fan of the core.  But mashed in with yogurt and ice and the yummy pineapple chunks, the core is not too bad.  

Here is my baby making arsenal for this cycle

1. clomid (cd 3-7)

2. HSG (cd9)

3.  Sex every other day since cd 10, and every day when around ovulation

4. Pineapple core smoothies

5.  Acupuncture and Chinese herbs

6.  Prayer

7.  Oh and I'm supposed to start taking progesterone supplements on 3 DPO (to lengthen my LP). 

O.K. that is it.  We shall see if this works.  

My tube are clear!!

So I had my HSG on Friday.  It wasn't as terrible as I expected.  But I did take 2 extra strength tylenols an hour before which probably helped me with the pain.  

I got to the hospital at 12:30 as they asked me to do.  Got registered, and then checked in to radiology.  I think they were surprised that I actually had all my paperwork ready.  So I was done by 12:40 and had to sit around and wait for my 1pm appointment.  By 1:10 I started to get annoyed that I was just sitting and waiting.  So I went to check to see what was wrong at the desk and they told me to just keep waiting.   I hate that.  Why do they tell you to come a 1/2 hour early just for you to sit and wait.  

Finally at about 1:15 a tiny little spritely woman came over to me and said she would set me up for the HSG.  She was so sweet.  She was like "honey, you trying to get pregnant right, well this is going to help you, God is going to take care of you and you will have your baby, and when you do bring it back here to meet me".  It was like she knew just what to say to me.  All of my anger disappeared.  Then she complimented my diamonds and told me how much she loves them and showed me all her bling.  She was too cute.  So before we started to walk over to the radiology unit she hugged me.  I was so shocked to be hugged by a perfect stranger  but she was so sweet and cute that I hugged her back.  She was like a little old reassuring grandmother.  They picked the perfect woman for that job.  

So I had to strip down from the waist down and put on the funny little hospital gowns.  And then met the doctor that would be performing the test.  He fully explained everything and promised to tell me what would happen at each step before hand.  And he did.  And the little grandmother was there to assist him.  There was some pinching and cramping.  But it wasn't too bad.  Seeing dye fill up my uterus and fallopian tubes was kind of cool actually.  But I couldn't tell if everything was o.k. because he kept telling me to shift to the left and right.  I guess that helped show that the dye was properly spilling out and over my ovaries.  And it did thank God.  I was so worried that he would find a blockage.   

However he did find something out of the ordinary.  He asked me if I had had any surgeries and I explained to him about my to hysteroscopies to remove my fibroid and he explained that their was an an area where he could tell.  A little C shape pocket in the front of my uterus right where the fibroid had lived and it was also filled with dye.  So I dunno if that will affect my chances of getting pregnant.  He didn't say.  I'll have to ask my doctor.   But I feel o.k. He didn't mention that being a problem all the other times I've had appointments.  And he should know that it is there.  I think it just seemed odd to the radiology doctor because he didn't expect it.  And odd to me because I didn't know what it would look like.  Anyway, like I said I'm not going to fret over it until I have a reason to.  

When I told my husband about it he joked that maybe all the sperm are getting stuck in that pocket and that is why we aren't pregnant yet.  I certainly hope that isn't the case.  Plus, there are tons of sperm so only some would get stuck if that were the case.

Afterward was kind of gross.  I will not be specific.  But with gravity, stuff leaks.  Nuff said.  

I was able to return to work no problem.  And was actually productive.

I think taking the painkillers beforehand was key.  

Roll ball..... roll

So happily happily my period came on Thursday.  I've never been so happy to get my period.  So now the ball is rolling again.  I called to schedule my HSG and it is on the 11th.  And I started clomid today.  I didn't have any of the side effects I've heard about.  Just a little dizziness.  Otherwise everything is normal.  A little crampy today though.  But I'm not complaining.  Instead I've taken it as a sign to have a lazy Saturday lounging around reading and playing with my dog.  I was watching Jane Erye for a while but my husband came home and wanted to watch NCAA on the bigger TV.  So instead I'll catch up on my blogging.  Today is a great day.