Tuesday, March 18, 2008

And like that....I'm all happy again

I'm not manic! I was just checking in to the Nest TTC 6 months+ page and saw the incredibly wonderful news that another struggling TTCer has gotten her BFP. How can I be so sad about a person in my circle of friends getting knocked up but so happy about a girl I've never and will probably never meet in real life. I think it is because I know that my nestie friend has had a really hard time and I feel like she "deserves" it. Not that my real life friend doesn't. It is just something about the intimacy women on these message boards have......knowing the ins and outs of eachothers cycles and all the BFNs, to clomid, and REs, and IUIs. I don't know what happened with my real life friend (for all I know she could have had trouble too). But I don't begrudge her for not having trouble conceiving. I don't wish this on anyone. Not my worst enemy. There is just this weird and sad competition amongst our friends. And those who come in last lose. So I'm loosing. So stupid. This isn't a competition. I'm not in this to win. I'm in it to have a baby. Start a family. Why do I let myself get so bogged down with stupidity?

It ends now. No more jealousy. No more silly stupid crap. I love babies. I'll love our friend's baby. And from afar over the internet I'll love my nestie friend's baby.

I do not like the woman I was this morning. I do not like to feel like that. I'm over it. Positive Echloe is back.
Sorry if she is sappy. And sorry for rambling.

4 comments:

Stephanie said...

Hey hun. Hang in there. I seriously didn't think this was ever going to happen for us. I know how sucky it is, and how hard it is. I'm praying for you that you get your BFP soon!!! (((hugs)))

littlemonkey said...

just wanted to stop by and give you a virtual ((hug)) because I'm a nerd.

:)

mrsgarza said...

Don't be too hard on yourself---it is normal to feel a little jealous when someone you know gets something that you want so badly before you do. I felt that way about a lot of things. I think it's easier to feel happy about your nestie friend because there is not the same awkwardness with your "real' friends. Hang in there, and know that you are human.

mrsgarza said...

Don't be too hard on yourself---it is normal to feel a little jealous when someone you know gets something that you want so badly before you do. I felt that way about a lot of things. I think it's easier to feel happy about your nestie friend because there is not the same awkwardness with your "real' friends. Hang in there, and know that you are human.