Tuesday, March 18, 2008

More than jealousy

Sometimes I get so upset when I here about someone else's pregnancy. It is kind of retarded. My husband calls me this morning to warn me that the emails will be flying about one of our friend's impending child. I was fine. I was happy. Now I'm a wreck. I wish I could blame it on the hormones but I know it is just me. It is just that I want what they have. And it doesn't help that another friend recently commented that we were the first to marry and will be the last to have a kid. Now it is absolutely true. I just want to go home right now and cry my eyes out. I should be happy for them. Them. I don't even really know which couple it is. I dare not look at my email. Yes I'm that crazy.

Now this doesn't happen with every pregnancy announcement mind you. I am happy for a lot of people. It is just in this particular friend group. My husbands friends. The friends who were too immature to even have girlfriends just a few short years ago. The friends that thought we were old and boring. What happened? How is it that I... the one who was giving all their eventual girlfriends wedding tips am the one who is struggling to just have a regular F-ing cycle not yet pregnant? I should have had a baby 2 years ago. I'm 32. I'm miserable.

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