Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Back to work

So today is my second day back in the lab.  For the most part it has gone better than expected.  I went in yesterday after lunch since I had my pre-op appointment in the late morning.  I'm glad that I only did half of a day.  It was a good way to get back into it.  Most people said "welcome back" and that they missed me.  That was the perfect thing to say.  No questions or comments on the baby.  They all know what happened so I guess they shouldn't have questions.  And they all sent their condolences after Lydia died so they really didn't have to do the "I'm sorrys".  And that was fine with me.  It isn't like I want to forget what happened.  I just don't want to get into tit with work people.  Does that make sense?   Of course there had to be one person to make me almost cry.  Our visiting scientist hugged me and told me how she was worried I'd get really depressed and never return to work.  Now, I have to add that English is not her first language so I'm not sure how much of our conversation was lost in translation.  Anyway she told me how her  brother and his wife lost their 1.5 year old daughter due to a heart condition and they were very depressed and the wife didn't return to work until a year later.  She said that her SIL would have probably preferred to have lost her daughter earlier (as in 21 weeks).  I think trying to say it is better that I lost Lydia before I got to know her.  This pissed me off.  But I let it roll off my back and said whenever a baby dies it is a tragedy and that I was very sad to hear of her niece passing on.  Then she went on about how I'm so young and can try again.  I'm so glad everyone thinks 33 is young.  Whatever.  I know she meant well and I know that people can say dumb things.  One of K's co-irkers actually said to him "it is all for the best".  What the crap?  All for the best for who exactly.  To reiterate, some people say dumb things.  

All in all I'm glad to back.  One of the grad students has her qualifying exam tomorrow (to become a PhD candidate) and she needed to practice her presentation.  Everyone else in the lab had already heard it all and didn't want to help her.  So I came back right on time to offer my help.  Today we spent 2 hours going over her slides and I quizzed her.  She knows her stuff but is super nervous.  I was happy to give her some guidance and hope I helped her realize that she is ready so she can relax a little tonight.  It felt really good to help someone.  


Bella said...

Ugh...sometimes people just don't think. I mean really..."it's all for the best"?!?! Yeah, easy for them to say when it didn't happen to them! I'm sorry about those ignorant people but glad it hasnt been too horrible going back. ((HUGS))

Melissia said...

I am glad that you survived your first day back and you did a very nice thing to help the grad student with her presentation, especially when you may have preferred to have been by yourself.
And I am very sorry that your coworker was so insensitive, I am sure that her sister-in-law would not give up any minute that she had with her daughter to spare herself from pain, what a stupid thing to say!
I hope that tomorrow is better.

Anonymous said...

hi there. I'm a relatively new reader and I don't think I've commented before. I just wanted to say, though, that "it's all for the best" has to rank up there with "God has a plan" as one of the worst possible things a person can say.

I'm sorry someone said that to ya'll. it's completely lousy and they should know better because there is never a good time to say something like that. Just don't say it. Ever.

Mary said...

I'm sorry that you got those kind of comments. I pray today is better than yesterday. I hope that work is enough of a distraction for you.

alicia said...

ahh peoples comments can be so hard to deal with!

glad you are back at work and doing ok being there, that must be hard!


Michelle said...

People really do not think before they speak most of the time. I am glad that you are back at work and getting into the swing of things again.

Anonymous said...

Gah, people ARE idiots, no matter what culture they come from. How rude. I am so sorry you had to hear any of that shit. Some people in my life were just plain ignorant and I got really pissed when one of my friends just said one word after my third pregnancy loss - "adoption"

Ugh. I am so sorry that you had to hear any of that and sorrier still that we cannot just slap the shit out of the utterers of such insensitiveness